Trying....Well, This Should Be Fun.....

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this blog. There is a lot going on in my life right now and it is sometimes hard to sit and try to put my thoughts into words.

Well...again....excuse me if I say anything that offends anyone...... I said I was going to be real and I'm trying to do that without going to far. This is our experience.

So we finally made the decision to try to have a baby.... and we got started on that right away : ) ... So if any of you have known me for more than an hour....you know that my primary love language is physical touch and that I make no excuse or bones about that. I love all of the physical stuff.... hugs, cuddling, and that other good stuff too. I could very easily be a guy when it comes to sex....except.....well....I'm not. This is just who I am and that is who God made me to be. If you want to show me that you love me a good tender hug will take you a long way..... ALL that other stuff though belongs only to Sandy.

But I digress. So we, like most, thought this part would be easy....and fun. And for a while it was.

When you are trying to have a baby you at first don't really put a lot of thought into the planning of it. You just as Nike would say..... "Just do it". You enjoy the freedom of using no protection and the excitement of just being together whenever you want.

However, as times passes and you are not getting the results that you want you have to start looking a little ... well, a lot closer at the technical timing of being together. You see...there is an optimum time of the month that you are most likely to be able to conceive. A window of about a weeks time at which you are most likely to be able to be able to make a baby.

I will tell you that we hated this part of trying with a passion. There is nothing like being on a schedule to take the romance out of the most intimate part of your life. We really hated this part so much. As much as we love being together, to have to look at calendars and timing and predictors..... romance quickly goes out the window and making love becomes a task to do. That is something that it should never be. Emotionally this was very difficult for both of us.

There are a lot of emotions that go into trying to start a family. There is the joy of thinking about what will happen when you find out you are pregnant. There is the joy of thinking about telling your family and your friends that you are going to have a baby. The thoughts about baby names. The question of will it be a boy or a girl....or in my family the possibility of twins.

There are also a lot of emotions that go into wondering why it's not working. Like... I wonder what the problem is? Is it time for tests? What does that involve? What if it's him? How do I tell him it doesn't matter? What if it's me? How do I tell him? Am I enough? Are we enough together?

It's really difficult to have these kind of things on your heart and spirit day after day....week after week....and even month after month. There is a constant reminder ever single month to tell you that all that you have done....has not worked.

And it didn't.

The story continues.......

A Walk By The River

The Story Continues..... (See the three blog posts from October to catch the beginning of this story....or if you haven't read it since then you may want to re-read it just to refresh your memory). This is a real in progress story and I have promised to be real and honest as I share my feelings. If I offend anyone with what I say along the way I ask that you forgive me and try to understand where I / Sandy are walking right now. This is our story.

A Walk By The River.....

Have you ever had one of those days when you know something big is coming and yet the words just won't come out of your mouth to acknowledge it? A day that your spirit senses that your whole world is about to change? It was a day like that that we first began to try to have a child.

For a few months we had been talking back and forth about having children and if it was in the plans for us. We didn't really know what we were going to do or what God wanted us to do. We had concerns about our ages....specifically mine and any health issues that might arise from that. We knew that with me having just turned 40 that there was going to be a higher risk associated with that to both me and a child. But I guess in the end we knew that if God was strong enough to change my heart about having children (He was!) that He would certainly be strong enough to protect them and me from any danger.

I don't think that we ever consciously said out loud that any particular day would be the day we would start trying. I think after all the years it had taken to get to this place that the pressure of saying this will be the day would have been a bit overwhelming. I guess we both knew within us that we would know when that day had arrived....and we did : )

I remember that day just like it was yesterday. It was a beautiful fall day and we were headed to Gatlinburg for a long weekend of enjoying the Christmas lights and visiting Dollywood . It was one of those days when everything you see catches your attention and you see beauty everywhere you look. We had a late check-in time so we took our time getting there and drove in along the river road. The sun was shining and the river was sparkling like thousands of beautiful diamonds. We were captured by the beauty around us and decided to stop and walk down by the river and take some pictures.

Everywhere we looked we saw God's glory and magnificence. In some places the water was running briskly over the rocks and driftwood making beautiful waterfalls and cascades. In other places the water was as calm and smooth as glass. The trees all around us were still displaying their beautiful fall colors as the sun smiled down through the trees onto the water. The picturesque curvy mountain road touched with colorful fallen leaves completed the whole beautiful picture.

It was an afternoon of enjoying Gods beauty and of also feeling His presence within you and around you. It was a day that my spirit sensed something big was coming our way. We had an intimate time of just being quiet together and enjoying God’s creation. I had a knowing feeling deep within me that this day would hold something special that would forever change who we were as a couple.

After several stops along the way we finally made it to Gatlinburg and our condo. What a nice place with a wonderful mountain view. God was really working overtime on showing us beauty and on calling in the romance….

We went to dinner at Calhoun’s for BBQ and enjoyed having time to sit and talk and watch the Christmas lights through the windows. After dinner we drove around Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge and enjoyed the lights. (If you have never seen the lights in Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge at Christmas it is well worth the drive to check them out. They are beautiful!!) After that we drove back to the condo and relaxed.

The rest of the evening I won’t talk about except to say…. It was wonderful and when it came time to make a decision ….the decision was already settled in both of our minds that this was our time. And….that’s all I’m going to say about that…..

The next morning we went to Dollywood and spent the day having fun and celebrating being together and being in love. We had taken a big step in our relationship. It had taken 14 years to get there and the bond we felt on that day was deeper than it had ever been. There would no longer ever be any barriers between us...no longer anything held back.

Our lives and our relationship had forever changed in a single moment. We just had no idea how much.

To be continued.....

Tammy

p.s. For all of you who thought I was going to say that we fooled around down by the river....SHAME ON YOU .... :) ... it was just too cold.......haha