October 16, 2009

The Story Begins......

This most good or bad stories should start at the beginning..... but this story actually starts somewhere around the beginning . Sometimes there is a story within a story and that is what you are going hear in this post. My part of a story within a much bigger story that is not mine to tell.

I think I was around 16 the first time I realized I didn't want to have a family. I'm not talking about parents or siblings or the immediate type family. I'm talking about not wanting to have a future with a husband.....children.... white picket fence... not even a ....DOG family. I was at a point in my life where I really felt insecure about the whole idea of family. My family had recently went through the pains of a divorce. Being the youngest child I spent my time going back and forth between my parents. Even though I was greatly supported and loved and always taken care of I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I had a lot of trust issues. I put up a lot of walls and and barriers between myself and most people. I pretty much felt like I could stand on my own. With the exception of some really close friends, relationships were not something that I put a lot of stock or effort into.

As I continued to grow up and move forward in my life these feelings really didn't change much for a really long time. I had become a very independent do things my way type person. I had a pretty tough exterior and it took a really long time for me to let people get close to me. I can say though that if you made it through that tough exterior you had the most loyal of friend in me.

I know looking back now as an adult that all of that was just a way of protecting myself from getting hurt.... or from self perceived hurt. I knew and realized many times that the feelings that I had were not what my Heavenly Father wanted for my future....but I just didn't know how to or want to lay them down after so many years.

So my Heavenly Father sent me the one I needed to tear the walls down.

The turning point in my life is meeting up again with my Sandy. Sandy has been my friend since I was in the 8th grade. He was my friend when all the stable consistent things in my life fell apart. He was always there with a tender hug and a loving heart when this lost little girl needed him.

Sandy and I meet up again after losing touch for several years when I was in college and he was working in Atlanta. We happened (really it was a God ordained meeting) to both be home for the weekend and visiting our childhood church when we found each other again. That became a life changing moment for both of us. It was the beginning of a great love story and it was the beginning of teaching my heart what the love of a man and family are all about.

I said before I was tough and had a tough exterior.... but it only took a few phone calls and one incredible date to know that Sandy was my soul mate and that he would be my forever love. In fact, God told me at the end of our first date that I would marry Sandy. Seven months later we were engaged and 10 months after that we were married. Sandy is my very best friend and the true love of my life. He has consistently loved me, prayed for me, taken care of me, and taught me who God is and what the love of a man is all about. His love for me has taught me that trust is real and that walls come down when love overcomes fear.

It's been over 16 years since God changed my heart about having a took many many more years before He began to change my heart about having a family.

The story continues......