GROWING IS HARD

I don't know about you, but I think growing up is hard. Growing in Christ is even harder.

Lately, I've been really struggling with knowing what to do with the things that God gives me or teaches me. You see, over the last three or four years God has been majorly at work in my life. He has grown me up more in these last few years than in all my 34 years as a Christian. That's saying a lot isn't it? It makes me wonder what I was doing before.

In the last few years, God has taught me so much about who He is and who I am. I have learned that you grow a great deal when you are struggling. It seems to be where I learn the most from Him. It seems there have been so many struggles that have come into my life that involve family, friends, church, work, and people that I don't even know. God has taken me from being a bench warmer to being a prayer warrior and it seems in no time flat. He has changed me from the inside out and I am and never will be .... who I was.

I like the fact that God is growing me so very much, but I have to be completely honest and say... Growing is HARD!!!! I want so much to be a mighty warrior for God. I really do try to do my best... at least most of the time. However, I have to say that changing is hard and being changed by the great hand of the universe is even harder.

Lately God has really been dealing with me about my life and who I am for Him. You see, I've always been this really independent person who stands on her own two feet. I feel like most of the time I know exactly what I need to do to take care of me. That usually involves doing just what I want when I want. To say that I'm stubborn is a great understatement.

God has really been showing me that I need a change of mind set. That in essence means, I need to set my mind to the things that are of Him and Him alone. I need to live a life of holiness, honor, and respect for who He is and for who He has called me to be. I need to be intentional with how I live my life....every single day.

Simple huh? Not at all. Necessary? Absolutely! I guess I'm becoming more and more aware that people watch my life and how I live. A few years ago if someone judged my life I would have quickly told them my thoughts on their opinions. It would have been ugly. Sandy has said more than once that I have no tact at all. Unfortunately, that is so true. But now my thoughts just might be that their opinions could be right (could be.....) and probably are. My thoughts about representing Him are daily, almost moment by moment, changing the way that I live and think.

I think that our time left on this earth is short friends. I think that I can no longer have the mentality that my life is all about me. God is constantly calling me to be a representative of Him in all that I do. He is constantly showing me, usually very quickly, where I make the wrong call or make the wrong decision. It's hard and it often hurts. It hurts when you fail the one you love doesn't it? People are watching me (all of us) every single day. Every single day, someone is looking to see Him in me or looking for me to fail Him. Every single day, I seem to do both.

My life seems to be a constant battle between living a life that is representative of Him and living the life that is representative of me and my world. Every single day, I struggle to do the right thing or things. Every single day, He sends me challenges to stretch me, to grow me, and to show me that He expects more of me than I even knew I could give. Every single day, He opens my eyes a little more to who He is. Every single day, He grows me in Him. EVERY SINGLE DAY, IT IS HARD TO LET GO OF ME AND LIVE HIM.

I think growth is a constant state of change. Growing is never finished. We grow by the encounters that we face every single day. Life grows us in good ways and hard ways and sometimes in painfully unbearable ways. Whatever these encounters are we grow. If we allow ourselves to look deeper at our circumstances, our lives, our world, we will see Jesus. If we grow enough.... others will see Jesus in us.

The challenges that cause growth show us Jesus in a deeper way. They make us keep our eyes on Him and they form a intimate relationship between Him and us. All of the struggles are worth it in the end because we become more like Him. In becoming more like Him we show the world who He is by the lives that we live. When the world sees Jesus in us... lives are forever changed...theirs and ours...and He is forever honored.

Growing is still really hard though.....................

The Prayer Warrior Gets Some Beautiful Armor

Have you ever received a gift that just touched you to your very soul? I got one of the most touching and amazing gifts I have ever received in my life this past weekend.

Most of you know that over the last two or three years God has really turned me into a heavy duty prayer warrior for him. Now before you think that I am bragging let me say right up front that I am not. What I mean to say is that God has captured my heart in such a way that my life is an ongoing prayer re pore with him. Often even when I am sleeping he is talking to my spirit. It is both a wonderful and difficult thing for me. Wonderful in that I love the time that we get to spend talking with each other. It is personal and it is tender and life changing. It is difficult in that I often learn and hear more than I know what to do with or how to process. I am very often in way over my head.

I have been blessed to be able to head up our prayer team at EMC for the last couple of years. These are a group of amazing people and God uses them to teach me and his church just how powerful the power of prayer is. We have seen incredible things happen because of their dedication and prayers. I have been blessed to work prayer on a Tres Dias weekend. I saw lives change including mine because of that privilege. I have been blessed to pray in many wonderful and amazing and extremely difficult situations. I am by no means a master.... but prayer is the greatest calling of my heart.

The reason I say all of that is because you need to understand how very much prayer is my life to understand how much this gift touched me to my soul. I am by no means a materialistic person. Having and giving things really does not impress me very much. The kind of gifts that I like to receive are gifts that I know someone really thought who I am before they bought or made them. Those are the kind of gifts that show it was about blessing me and not just about giving a gift.

My friend Beth gave me an incredibly gift this past weekend. She has been working on it for over a year. It is only the second time I ever remember receiving a gift that touched me so deeply that it brought tears to my eyes and left me speechless. I still am emotional just thinking and looking at this gift.

Beth gave me a tallit. A prayer shawl. Armor for the prayer warrior to wear when she is in deep prayer and mighty warfare. She made it herself and she had Tamara's mom-in-law monagram it with the words I usually always sign my writings to the prayer team with " Love, Pray, Serve" along with a cross and the words "Our Father" written around the shoulders. It is the most beautiful prayer shawl I have ever seen.

This gift honored me by celebrating one the greatest loves of my life....Prayer.

I had to publically thank her and I had to show you this beautiful gift she blessed me with. It will have a place of honor in my prayer room at home and it will get used often.

Thank you Beth. You blessed me by knowing what the greatest love of my heart is. I love you dearly! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. It touched me to the depth of my soul.

Check out this beautiful gift. The pictures don't do it justice.

Tammy

P.S. I love all of you!!! Blessings and Merry Christmas!!!

My Tallit Prayer Shawl

Pray like this... Our Father....

Make a difference. Love, Pray, Serve