FEAR - UPDATE

Update: I took Nipper back to the vet last Friday. He had finished up his meds on Thursday. Our vet, Dr. Moore, checked the place on Nipper's face and said that it was not as hard as it had been before. He wanted us to stop the ointment and watch the place and see what happens over the next several days. If the place begins to get red or infected looking or begins to swell up we have to start the ointment again. He did say that since it had gone down some and was not hard like before that he still believes it is a gland problem. That is much better than him thinking it is a tumor or cancer any day!!!!

It's been 4 days since Nipper has had any ointment or medication. He is doing well. The place does not appear to have gone down any more than before...but I am wondering if it may have always been as big as it is right now but covered with hair. He has always had a big brow above his eyes...and this place is right where his eyebrow is...I think. It's hard to tell since only one side of his face is shaved. I guess I will just have to wait and see how it looks once the hair grows completely back in. He seems to be feeling good and he has not been limping since we started the ointment 2 1/2 weeks ago. The place on his face is pink and does turn red occasionally...but usually when he is up running around...so I think that is just the blood flowing into his brow.

I am hopeful that he is fine. I will be watching his every move until I know for sure.

Thank you for praying for Nipper and for me and for asking about him. Most of you know how in love with Nipper I am and I appreciate you sharing my concern for my little guy. You are my true friends and I know I can can share my heart with you anytime. I will keep you updated as we go along.

I love you guys,

Tammy


Are you ever afraid? I don't mean just a little bit afraid....I mean mind numbing, life consuming fear? Do you ever have a problem with trust? Do you ever doubt that God can or will do the right thing by you?

That is where I have lived my life for the last three weeks.

Nipper has a place that has come up on his forehead that our vet has been treating for three weeks. They are not sure at this point what the problem is. They seem to think that it may be a gland but it has also been mentioned that is could be a tumor or cancer. It looks like a big red knot right against his left eye. He was also limping on his left front foot. Our vet Dr. Moore said that if this is a gland it could be what is causing the limping since it is on the same side.

They put him on a two week course of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories and they did not seem to help much at all. As you might imagine during these two weeks I was consumed with worry about Nipper. My mind ran the whole gambit of thinking ...what if this is something more serious than a gland? What if this is a tumor? What if this is cancer? And the very worst thing of all...What if this is what takes Nipper from my life? It was consuming to my whole thought pattern every single moment.

During this time I poured my heart out to God every waking moment. And God in is graciousness reminded me over and over of all the times that he had protected and healed Nipper. There have been many times that Nipper has been sick with dangerous things. There have been many times that he has done crazy things that could have killed him. During every single thing God has protected him and allowed him to be healed. He has given us wonderful doctors and staff who have treated and taken care of Nipper when he was in need. He has over and over been Nippers healer.

During this time my precious Father constantly brought calming scripture into my mind when I was afraid. He even brought the song....I am the Lord his (I know it's usually your but I heard his) healer to my mind constantly. That would calm me for a little while and then my fear would return.

I took Nipper for a re-check after two weeks of meds and there was very little improvement. Dr. Moore called me and said that he was now concerned it could be a tumor and wanted to remove this place. Talk about putting fear into my heart....that really did. I told him he could praying that if it was a tumor or cancer that we had caught it early. Shortly after that Dr. Moore called me again and said once he had sedated Nipper and shaved his forehead he found about six small spots instead of one and one additional place close to the other eye. Seeing several places made him more convinced it is a gland problem so he didn't cut the place out. That was a huge relief to me.

He decided to do another two weeks of the anti-inflammatories and antibiotics and he added an ointment to be rubbed on those spots every day. The ointment is a deep follicle flush to clean out any bacteria that may be clogging up the gland. The ointment does seem to be making a difference. After a couple of days Nipper stopped limping and the place on his head seems to look better. It is not gone but I think it looks better. He still has four more days of meds to take and then he will have to go back for another re-check.

I do not know at this point if Nipper is okay or not. I know that my heart hopes for the best and I know that God has the power to heal him. I know that God has healed him many times in the past. I know the memories and the scripture and the song to calm my spirit came from him. I even know that God will never take Nipper from me until it is time for him to go.

YET....I AM STILL AFRAID.

Do you ever feel this way when facing something that is a great fear in your life? Like loss...of anything that you love with your whole heart. Be that an animal, a person, your job, your dreams...or whatever it might be. Are you ever consumed by what the loss of this _______ would do to your whole life? Do you trust God to have full control of the things that mean everything to you?

Give me your thoughts.

Tammy