February 20, 2009


I don't know about you, but I think growing up is hard. Growing in Christ is even harder.

Lately, I've been really struggling with knowing what to do with the things that God gives me or teaches me. You see, over the last three or four years God has been majorly at work in my life. He has grown me up more in these last few years than in all my 34 years as a Christian. That's saying a lot isn't it? It makes me wonder what I was doing before.

In the last few years, God has taught me so much about who He is and who I am. I have learned that you grow a great deal when you are struggling. It seems to be where I learn the most from Him. It seems there have been so many struggles that have come into my life that involve family, friends, church, work, and people that I don't even know. God has taken me from being a bench warmer to being a prayer warrior and it seems in no time flat. He has changed me from the inside out and I am and never will be .... who I was.

I like the fact that God is growing me so very much, but I have to be completely honest and say... Growing is HARD!!!! I want so much to be a mighty warrior for God. I really do try to do my best... at least most of the time. However, I have to say that changing is hard and being changed by the great hand of the universe is even harder.

Lately God has really been dealing with me about my life and who I am for Him. You see, I've always been this really independent person who stands on her own two feet. I feel like most of the time I know exactly what I need to do to take care of me. That usually involves doing just what I want when I want. To say that I'm stubborn is a great understatement.

God has really been showing me that I need a change of mind set. That in essence means, I need to set my mind to the things that are of Him and Him alone. I need to live a life of holiness, honor, and respect for who He is and for who He has called me to be. I need to be intentional with how I live my life....every single day.

Simple huh? Not at all. Necessary? Absolutely! I guess I'm becoming more and more aware that people watch my life and how I live. A few years ago if someone judged my life I would have quickly told them my thoughts on their opinions. It would have been ugly. Sandy has said more than once that I have no tact at all. Unfortunately, that is so true. But now my thoughts just might be that their opinions could be right (could be.....) and probably are. My thoughts about representing Him are daily, almost moment by moment, changing the way that I live and think.

I think that our time left on this earth is short friends. I think that I can no longer have the mentality that my life is all about me. God is constantly calling me to be a representative of Him in all that I do. He is constantly showing me, usually very quickly, where I make the wrong call or make the wrong decision. It's hard and it often hurts. It hurts when you fail the one you love doesn't it? People are watching me (all of us) every single day. Every single day, someone is looking to see Him in me or looking for me to fail Him. Every single day, I seem to do both.

My life seems to be a constant battle between living a life that is representative of Him and living the life that is representative of me and my world. Every single day, I struggle to do the right thing or things. Every single day, He sends me challenges to stretch me, to grow me, and to show me that He expects more of me than I even knew I could give. Every single day, He opens my eyes a little more to who He is. Every single day, He grows me in Him. EVERY SINGLE DAY, IT IS HARD TO LET GO OF ME AND LIVE HIM.

I think growth is a constant state of change. Growing is never finished. We grow by the encounters that we face every single day. Life grows us in good ways and hard ways and sometimes in painfully unbearable ways. Whatever these encounters are we grow. If we allow ourselves to look deeper at our circumstances, our lives, our world, we will see Jesus. If we grow enough.... others will see Jesus in us.

The challenges that cause growth show us Jesus in a deeper way. They make us keep our eyes on Him and they form a intimate relationship between Him and us. All of the struggles are worth it in the end because we become more like Him. In becoming more like Him we show the world who He is by the lives that we live. When the world sees Jesus in us... lives are forever changed...theirs and ours...and He is forever honored.

Growing is still really hard though.....................