March 19, 2010

Trying....Well, This Should Be Fun.....

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this blog. There is a lot going on in my life right now and it is sometimes hard to sit and try to put my thoughts into words.

Well...again....excuse me if I say anything that offends anyone...... I said I was going to be real and I'm trying to do that without going to far. This is our experience.

So we finally made the decision to try to have a baby.... and we got started on that right away : ) ... So if any of you have known me for more than an know that my primary love language is physical touch and that I make no excuse or bones about that. I love all of the physical stuff.... hugs, cuddling, and that other good stuff too. I could very easily be a guy when it comes to sex....except.....well....I'm not. This is just who I am and that is who God made me to be. If you want to show me that you love me a good tender hug will take you a long way..... ALL that other stuff though belongs only to Sandy.

But I digress. So we, like most, thought this part would be easy....and fun. And for a while it was.

When you are trying to have a baby you at first don't really put a lot of thought into the planning of it. You just as Nike would say..... "Just do it". You enjoy the freedom of using no protection and the excitement of just being together whenever you want.

However, as times passes and you are not getting the results that you want you have to start looking a little ... well, a lot closer at the technical timing of being together. You see...there is an optimum time of the month that you are most likely to be able to conceive. A window of about a weeks time at which you are most likely to be able to be able to make a baby.

I will tell you that we hated this part of trying with a passion. There is nothing like being on a schedule to take the romance out of the most intimate part of your life. We really hated this part so much. As much as we love being together, to have to look at calendars and timing and predictors..... romance quickly goes out the window and making love becomes a task to do. That is something that it should never be. Emotionally this was very difficult for both of us.

There are a lot of emotions that go into trying to start a family. There is the joy of thinking about what will happen when you find out you are pregnant. There is the joy of thinking about telling your family and your friends that you are going to have a baby. The thoughts about baby names. The question of will it be a boy or a girl....or in my family the possibility of twins.

There are also a lot of emotions that go into wondering why it's not working. Like... I wonder what the problem is? Is it time for tests? What does that involve? What if it's him? How do I tell him it doesn't matter? What if it's me? How do I tell him? Am I enough? Are we enough together?

It's really difficult to have these kind of things on your heart and spirit day after day....week after week....and even month after month. There is a constant reminder ever single month to tell you that all that you have done....has not worked.

And it didn't.

The story continues.......